As you are navigating your journey of self-development, doing the inner work of uncovering your true self and finding your true path, you may begin to feel disconnected from some of the people in your life who you once felt closest to. Although this is a positive sign that you are growing, it can also be quite lonely. So, how do you go about connecting with people who will fit in with this new “you”? Here are 3 steps on how to find your tribe.

Outgrowing the things that you used to have in common or gaining the clarity and confidence to address toxic behaviour can lead to instability and tension in your friendships or relationships. Finding your tribe is about taking the time to nurture your positive relationships and find new friendships so that you are surrounded by people who support you, respect your values and fill your life with positivity. A nourishing social environment will encourage your own inner growth and allow you to give just as much in return.

Step 1: Who do you want and need to surround yourself with?

The first step toward finding your tribe is getting clear on what you want. Before anything else, you need to figure out what you want and need, for now and in the future, from the relationships that you choose to surround yourself with.

  • What are the traits you have found within yourself? Are you compassionate to a fault, sensitive, creative, a natural leader or great at giving advice? List what comes the most naturally to you and the things that you want to nourish within yourself in the future.
  • What are the hobbies and interests that you want to explore further? What engages you, increases your energy and stirs your passion?
  • What kind of relationships do you want to forge? Are you looking for a mentor who can help to guide you or someone to have fun and relax with during your hobbies? You will also need to consider how much of yourself you are willing and able to invest in a relationship – don’t forget that they go both ways!
  • What kind of people do you want to attract? Usually, you will find yourself drawn to people with similar values, and them to you, but there are people who feed off positive energy and will drain you rather than reciprocate the positivity you are giving out. Think about the traits that will encourage you to keep uncovering your true self and those that would clash and hinder your development.

Once you have explored what you want from your relationships, you need to set your intentions so that the universe can support and guide you. Set your intention in a way that you are familiar with and can comfortably revisit on a regular basis. Try:

  • Meditation
  • Using crystals – any Quartz crystals are perfect for attracting new friendships or love into your life
  • Envisioning an open, supportive relationship
  • Creating a vision board of your wants and needs
  • Writing a story about the type of people you would like to meet
  • Keep your intention in your thoughts as you are meeting new people and try to re-set it a few times a week to help manifest your goal.

Step 2: Cultivating your new tribe

Now that you have an idea of what makes your tribe ‘yours’ and you have set your intentions, it’s time to examine how your current relationships measure up to your wants, needs and expectations.

Are there people that have been detrimental to your growth that you need to break away from, talk to or limit time with? It is difficult to end a friendship, especially when you have known someone for years, but if they are having a negative impact on your wellbeing than you must take care of yourself first.

You cannot fulfil your true potential if the people you value are the same ones sapping your energy, undermining your confidence or obscuring your focus. That isn’t to say that any friend you are feeling disconnected from is having a negative effect, finding your tribe does not mean abandoning any difficult relationships. Sometimes, it simply comes down to taking the time to catch your friends up on your growth and letting them get used to any changes. Evaluate your friendship and if you think it is worth the effort than set some time aside to:

• Have an open conversation about what you have uncovered in yourself and the parts of yourself that you want to nurture in the future.
• Do an activity you both enjoy, allowing your friend to adjust their expectations of you in a familiar and comfortable environment.

No matter how you approach reconnecting, give yourselves time and don’t force it. Tell them that you value their friendship and you hope they will support your journey but know that if they are not willing to maintain your friendship, they should not be part of your tribe.

Step 3: Finding a new tribe

If you set your intention and spend time following your passions, you will attract people worthy of your tribe. It’s important to remember not to put too much pressure on new relationships as you’re building them and to be willing to set boundaries so that you can give as much as you receive.
When you find like-minded people, creating a connection is usually relatively easy. For most, the difficult part is finding people with the potential to become a part of your tribe. You can:

  • Use apps like MeetUp to find groups of people that share your values or interests
  • Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about
  • Take a class in an area you want to develop – it could be meditation, cooking, a vision board workshop, a new language or so much more.
  • Invest time in your hobbies in a public space
  • Talk to people! You can’t make a connection if you don’t have the courage to take part in a conversation. Not every chat will result in friendship but engaging someone in a conversation about something they’re passionate about is likely to brighten their day.
  • Stay in touch – if you get along with someone that you know you won’t see again ask if you can add them on social media or get their number. The worst they can do is say no!

Don’t get demotivated if finding your tribe takes longer than you think. Reflect on your process, maintain the intentions you have set and practice gratitude for the positive interactions you do have. Others will be drawn to your positive energy and it will help you to stay open to the fulfilling energy of the universal life force so that you can manifest your intention.

There are people that will be detrimental to your development, there are people that will nourish you and some will even do both. Like you and me, no one is perfect and you cannot expect one person to give you everything that you need. Your tribe should offer support and guidance, but your personal growth will always be motivated and steered by you.

In love and light 

Loretta xo