It doesn’t matter how long ago the break up, or for how long the relationship was for, letting go of a love can be painful. I see many clients who have experienced a significant love in their life or who are struggling with a break up. After working with so many women to try and ease the pain of a break up and let go of love, I am asking a new question – do we really need to let go?
I have a client who holds pain in her heart. I don’t always feel it significantly but it’s always there, like a dim light. When the time is right I know her pain will release and her heart will crack wide open. But for now, it holds her back. She keeps her heart closed, not because she doesn’t want to open, but she actually doesn’t even know what the pain is.
She is always so positive about life that when she feels discomfort, she finds it very difficult to sit with. She has learned to always look at things brightly so much so that she has failed to deal with any discomfort or acknowledge that there could possibly be something ‘wrong’. This is what bought her to me initially. She reached a point where she couldn’t ignore the discomfort anymore, because it was presenting itself so prevalently in her life and her usual positive and ‘light’ nature was fast dimming.
Today she walks in to the clinic differently though. She has a bit more of a bounce in her step, a smile, a sparkle and can’t wait to tell me something. “I caught up with my ex yesterday and Loretta, I’d forgotten how good it feels to be around him…” She went on to describe how he makes her feel. Her eyes light up at the prospect that someone could just “get her” so well.
My client and her ex have been broken up for a couple of years now. But when two people have this kind of connection, it doesn’t matter how much time has passed. Time is after all, a human illusion. And this kind of love is very much a matter of the soul. When people experience this kind of connection they will describe it as something out of this world. It is extraordinary.
I listen to her and am mentally completing her sentences. As precious and sacred as this love feels for her, many others including myself have felt it before. I am not denying their connection, but this is quite simply a form of attachment.
I ask her specifically how he makes her feel and sure enough, the very things she does not give herself. The truth is as long as she continues to attach these things to him, a single person, she will never be able to move on from him.
The key to letting go of a lover is learning from the experience – not about them, but learning about the Self.
I have listened to her carefully and now I start reframing the key points she has identified about their connection:
- He listens to me… do you take the time to listen to your Self?
- He makes me feel like the most important person in the world… do you treat yourself like the most important person in the world?
- He knows how to please me… do you have a sensual relationship with your Self and take the time to get to know what you like?
- We have a soul connection… have you connected with your soul?
Fundamentally, the love we seek and find so easily in another person is quite often the love we are simply desiring within and from our Self.
And what about that pain – the heart break we feel when they have left; the emptiness and loss? Of course, an attachment to a lover that sparks that much joy within us could only leave us with such pain.
But, what if the pain is simply a transition. A message to represent the significant release of limitation, the freedom from attachment and experiencing such love from a single person. It represents the transition to opening yourself up to a much greater love. A Love that knows no limitation.
And what if heart break is just the feeling of your heart returning back to you, returning to wholeness, returning to the responsibility that you are your greatest Love?
To attach our love and the parts of ourselves that we want fulfilled to a single person limits us from experiencing the infinite. If we can learn to fulfil those needs we so desperately seek in another, we open ourselves to so much more.
When we break up, it is an opportunity to let go of the limitation and step into abundance. We free ourselves from the limiting belief that they are the only one who was able to give us those things. Our lovers have showed us these things existed – that it was possible to feel so loved like that. That you are so worthy of being loved like that.
So, when we break up, it is not love that we need to let go of because it is never attached to anyone or anything. Love always exists infinitely. It was just the direction it was coming from or pointing towards that we need to let go of. Now you are released, free to experience that love always and forever.
And what’s next for my client? Now she gets to enter a new relationship. The greatest one she will ever experience – she is free from all limitation, to experience true love from Self. And my wish is that her future relationships with others will be different. What if she entered into a relationship without expectation of them to fill those voids within her? What if she dived in with a whole heart; a heart filled with a great Love from her Self? To have expectation is to place limitation. And she is worthy of so much more.
I look forward to watching her journey unfold, her heart opening up to the abundance and possibility that unconditional, infinite and everlasting Love provides.
In love and light,